he emptied the dishwasher...

merry x-mas and happy new year....hope everyone got at least a little of what they needed this holiday season...i am not going to bore you with a long, drawn-out post that would sum up this whole year and explicate why i am looking forward for 2008 to end and for 2009 to begin... you know...something all dramatic like about the past 7 months and ALL the bullshit that has become attached to it...as if it has a life all it's own now...how 2009 will be better because goddamn it just has too...i mean seriously...as long as we all stay cancer free there is a good chance 2009 is going to better than 2008...and i can say this for everyone i think...even if you weren't sideswiped by a traumatic brain inury (TBI) chances are this year you were sideswiped by the crashing economy in some way...it really has been a crazy year...for the world...for all of us...so that means 2009 has to be better...right??? no...not really...when it rains it pours...yo yo ma taught me that...never say it can't get any worse because hell yeah it can...KT"s telling you that...but it can also get better...for all of us...if we just believe...in ourselves, in each other...(in barak obama..:)if we just believe... or even pretend to believe...that sometimes works for me...2008 is gone...good fucking riddance i say...i am sure somehow, in the long run, this year has been a gift...i can only imagine how strong i am now...how fearless i am becoming...but i bid 2008 adieu for now...i will never forget this year...all the love i have found and all the love i have lost...all that was given to me and some that was taken away...but i am READY for 2009...and i look forward to better things...like my man emptying the dishwasher...the best thing i have seen in a long while...way to go tommy d...i think i may have just got a glimpse of my future...and i must say...it's definitely looking better...

airbrush envy...

seriously Opie...you have every avenue money can buy to keep the weight off...screw the chefs, shrinks and trainers...that actually takes work...let's talk about the airbrushers and the full on spanx built into all of your versace dresses...or the camera man who only gets a x-mas bonus if he never shoots the bad side...how about the handlers positioned just so to accentuate your curves instead of your rolls...i know...this is starting to get a little mean...and i apologize...but jesus woman...will you just goddamn embrace yourself...seriously....you are never going to be tiny...unless of course you go back to only drinking your food...or start cohabitating with your chef again...where did rosie go???  i wonder why she never got a cooking show and i think it's because she was in your life BEFORE food network...that is how long you have been struggling to try to be something you are not...and how long we have all been watching...as a role model for women you are amazing...a self made wonder woman...no gossip...no drama...just oprah being oprah...and not making any excuses for who you are...except of course your weight...there has never been a shortage of excuses for that...i think this time around it is your thyroid...hmmm....interesting because if you ask me i'm going to go with genes...now i'm not saying your genetically fucked to be fat...but you defintely have a better chance of being happy in a size 12 than miserable in a size 6...yes...i agree....it is hard to be miserable when you are a size six however the ride back up the size chart is pure torture...and the size 6 prada jeans will forever be around to taunt you while the 12 levis will always stay true and make you feel good...honestly O, i really think you have missed the mark here  and as an ambassador to and for all woman you need to address the truth!!!  you didn't get fat because of the thyroid...it was the potato chips...and you don't need to be a skinny 6 just a healthy 12...and please Opie, demand that all women throw out their scales!!!  because it's not about a number... it's about eating right most of the time and exercising enough of the time... and in reality it's really about how we all FEEL when we take that last quick glance of the mirror as we walk out the door to conquer our worlds...

To My Television Friend Oprah...

Dear Oprah,
So...fat again? Oprah, it is so very okay...please do not beat yourself up about it and please oh please do not make all of us go on ANOTHER quest to get you into a size 10. Let's be honest...we are not surprised...it happens to everyone of us...we are who we are and Mac and Cheese either gets us or doesn't...and THAT is being honest. The sad honesty is that there are a large number of women out here that are happy that you gained it back...oh yeah...big smiles on their faces...after all you have your own chef, your own trainer, your own masseuse, your own everything for Christ sake...and still gained it back...we are working all day, picking up the kids, heating the chicken strips for dinner, doing the homework, giving the baths...let's not even talk about the Christmas bullshit...and trying to lose or maintain that dreaded NUMBER!
Oprah, you have a great opportunity here. You have been a hero to so many women that you have encouraged, supported or helped just by finding your calling, getting yourself on television and communicating yourself to everyone...please do not blow this opportunity to let all of these fabulous women down by getting obsessive about losing your weight...if you want to do it, then do it, but please leave us out of it this time...no more Bob Greene giving you hell or Dr. Phil telling you why or Rosie the chef telling you what to eat...ENOUGH we are out here saying...love yourself, Oprah...whether fat or skinny or in between...you are our OPRAH who believes in the good and banishing the evil...please send us the message that "Girls, I am here to get you through today and plan for a better tomorrow, no matter how I look...because it really must be how I feel about myself"...Remember Carole King: "You've got to wake up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart" She doesn't say you have to wake up skinny or if you are fat you have no love in your heart...
To quote Billy Joel..."We love you just the way you are"
Merry Christmas Oprah
Love, Suzin
PS...now that you have gained why not wait until AFTER Christmas to try and lose...OMG, eggnog, cookies, scalloped potatoes...what the hell, O, what the hell!

I'll Be Home For Christmas

My KT came home for Christmas...Jake is home from college...all my chickens are in the correct nests...sometimes God is just good...so in order to put my mind in a holiday spirit I have been listening to Christmas songs on my computer all day...and it actually is working...I am considering going to the attic and getting the decorations out...so, while listening to all of this "music" I am thinking...What is your favorite non religious Christmas song?
I have two..."I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus..." because when I first heard it a zillion years ago I thought the kid's mommy was probably going to run away with Santa and there goes that family...my other favorite is, "I'll Be Home For Christmas". When I hear it I think of so many Christmas eves...I think of my Father coming home from work and dragging the Christmas tree in for decorating, my Mom and Dad having parties with the neighbors in our knotty pine paneled basement, my little brother Richard getting Mr. Machine for Christmas when no one else's Santa could find it...
I think of my first married Christmas with my Father coming in with what seemed like a hundred brand new Christmas balls for our very first tree which was almost bigger than our apartment...all of the Christmases we spent living all over the country with my Mom and Dad and sometimes my brothers flying in to have Christmas with the kids, Michaeljohn and KT...
Jake's first Christmas when my 3 children and I figured out that we would survive anything as long as we had each other...those lonely Christmas Eves with my Father and Aunt Mag when Michaeljohn and KT spent the night with friends...
Our first Billy Christmas which we spent with his 11 siblings and their families...57 in all...the 8 years KT lived in Boulder and everything was planned around when she came and when she left...
From the very beginning we decorated the tree on Christmas Eve and whomever was in the house helped...When Jake was born I bought him the book "The Polar Express" and read it to all 3 of my kids and we cried and laughed and talked about our "new" family of 4...these two tradition has turned into MY small family Christmas Eve...we come home from Billy's family party around 1o, decorate the tree and i read the story...only now I am doing it to perhaps 9 or 10 adults who have most definitely been dipping into the eggnog...but I continue to keep a straight face while reading...can you only IMAGINE the mocking, the giggling, the eye rolling...disrespect at its' finest...and the highlight of my Christmas...I wish I was eloquent enough to describe for you the ringing of the bell at the end...the new person always gets the bell and always screws it up...and all of the kids are laughing and snorting and howling...and for me, God is in His heaven and all is right in His world. Who knew that my elementary school teacher reading of one book, including showing pictures at each turn of the page, would always turn out to be the highlight of our holiday...
So KT...all those memories erupted from me because you came home and I heard "I'll Be Home For Christmas...

sparkly red shoes...

i'm getting ready to click my heels three times...

safe travels...

see you on my beloved east coast...

to quote the pointer sister's...

"i'm so excited!!!"

Oh my God...

The context of my KT's poem is astounding to me...someone decided they hate me enough to write an anonymous letter telling significant lies about my personality and the way I do my job...they sent this letter to all of my supervisors...the school board and the superintendent... plus anyone else they felt "needed" to know about what a wretched school principal I am...all so I will not be transferred to their school, a rumor that has absolutely no truth to it...the behavior they described was also "reported" to them by the way, not witnessed. So, in other words these cowards are trying to keep me from another job...anonymous people trying to "bully" my employers into not giving me a job because THEY HEARD I was not what they wanted. Are they even who they say they are...or is it some little worm worried that he/she might have to do his job now because someone told him/her that I actually hold people accountable?? hmmm...
So...here I am experiencing the seven stages of 'This is Bullshit". I saw the letter and at first I couldn't believe it...then I denied it...then I felt responsible for it...then I cried and cried over it...then I was so very sad about it...then I got so freaking angry about it...and now...
Now, thanks to my KT, my Billy, my family, my colleagues and my friends I realize that anonymous letters are cowardly letters sent by people that are afraid of something and most likely a million somethings and choose instead to be faceless bullys harming honest hard working people like myself...they are people that do not know how to present themselves and their agendas to others, much the way I do every day in my job. They are absolutely not worth my time, my energy and certainly not worth losing my self respect or self confidence to...I do NOT have to justify myself nor defend myself to anyone...EVER...
Don't they WISH they had a daughter like KT to know and understand and love them the way she takes care of me...don't they just wish...they cannot have her...
So, if by chance you are one of my haters and bullys and you are reading this...you can bite me...thanks for listening.

shout out to nene...

sorry that this is another poem... but i guess i  just have an easier time writing incomplete sentences...go figure...(now i'm writing to the "masses" like i gave my mom shit for doing...christ..:)

we all know who they are...

so visible from afar...

their uglyness from within...

stains their thin skin...

they want what we've got...

worked hard for and fought...

not always natural  for us...

perhaps one day an oscar for best actress???

we deserve all we have...

and could even probably do with just halve...

but haters who hate us because they hate themselves...

always make us doubt and berate ourselves...

which means they are winning...

even while unwisely grinning...

they are false and they are fools...

who are inept to understand the rules...

life is a game best played together...

helping each other find the answer...

we are all on the same team...

the human race it may seem...

life is for lovers...

like mother and daughters...

helping each other see their true colors...

and our own inner warriors...

should have paid cash for it...

walking under the angel through my front door...

hearing my sammy's angry roar...

dumping a whole bag of treats guiltily on the floor...

these are some things i am looking forward to...

sleeping in my own bed...

the hum of the house dancing in my head...

no longer living in someone else'e homestead...

these are some of the thing's i am looking forward to...

checking out mj's new car, so proud is he...

sitting with rita under the tree...

talking about how different our futures will be...

these are some of the things i am looking forward to...

hugging my mom, smelling her skin...

always she will be my home from within...

singing songs with jake and waiting for x-mas to begin...

these are some of the things i am looking forward to...

sitting on the steps of the sloarium...

back in tom and kt's emporium...

ready and willing to carpe diem...

these are some things i am looking forward to...

heading to boulder was the perfect respite...

low blood pressure has stepped down from the pulpit...

hgtv is only on late night...

and at the gym he puts up a fight...

we still have a long way to go...

this i now know...

but we are getting stronger everyday...

and together we have found a loving way...

but home sweet home...

where my crazy ass bunion toes roam...

out in the garden where my soul often grows...

these are some of the things i am looking forward too...

335 n. spring mill road...villanova, pa...

(4.2 from my mom by the way...)

a place where a piece of my heart will always stay...

It is time for me to end this magnificent adventure on the beach and head home...to my house, my children, my husband, my friends, my job, and my life...and remember how blessed I am....soon my daughter KT will return from her Boulder adventure...I wonder what she is looking forward to?

So we move from food to Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. It is my favorite for lots of reasons: no presents, no wrapping, no decorating, no polyannas, no tree, but YES to eggnog...a no brainer in my mind. Plus, it was always my mother's favorite holiday. No matter what went on in our world she was always happy on Thanksgiving, even if she was doing the cooking for 20. The one thing I always wondered though, is why didn't our turkey come out like the one in the Rockwell painting shown...Ours was always sliced and on a tray by the time we sat down...actually everything was on plates and bowels and baskets...passed and consumed within about 15 minutes, DONE! I always wondered if the people at Norman Rockwell's house were finished in 15 minutes like we were. Or did they sit around and tell what they were thankful for and...my favorite fantasy...compliment everyone on something good they did that year? I read it in a Bobbsey Twins book once and always wanted to emulate it at our house but mostly I just got smiles and pats on the head when I asked...so ,of course, I stopped asking...but I digress...
It seems that Thanksgiving is the great American holiday, only celebrated here to remind us of the Pilgrims and Indians and that fabulous story that, as an elementary school principal, I hear a zillion times in a zillion ways , all delightful, each year...I then get to taste soup and cornbread and pumpkin pie until, well, until the end of the day because I would never want to dissappoint any of my students!
The idea behind this holiday is to stop and think about what we are thankful for...is that what the pilgrims did? They were thankful the Lenape didn't kill them mostly...just like we are sometimes just thankful that no one got drunk, no one brought up the evil cousin's wedding, or no one fought about who gets the leather recliner when pop pop dies!
If you are reading this then you know I am on a great adventure trying to define my life after 60 and after kids...and one of the exercises is, of course, enumerating my blessings...which are numerous. I am eternally grateful for my husband, my children, my friends, my family, and my job. I am grateful that I can sleep in on weekends and I don't have to clean the house anymore. I am grateful that we are able to pay for my youngest son's college tuition with a minimum of help. I am grateful that my brother and his family are back in our fold and we are able to share our love and pride for each others' children. I am grateful for the wonderful house Billy and I bought together and the wonderful family that lives next door...
If we had taken my suggestion and offered something positive about all of the people around my table this is what I would have said:
Billy...you worked hard to find yourself this year and ended up in a wonderful position that was just right for you...
Michaeljohn...you continue to work hard and live the life that you have always wanted...and you did a fantastic job on finding that new car!
Jennifer...you work so hard to be a good wife and help take care of your Mom...good for you
KT...this has been the roughest year of your life and each day you are hanging in and offering intelligence, sensitivity, and love when it is the most difficult.
Tom...you are slowly finding your way back to us...I am grateful for your sense of humor and your love of our family
Michelle...I am so impressed with how hard you work and how aware you are of who you are and how you live your life on your own terms
Jake...I am as proud of you as I ever have been...you finished high school...got into the right college...you are working hard and actually TESTED out of an exam...and you are working hard to continue your basketball...growing up never looked so good!
So there you have it...screw Norman Rockwell...I have found my great American family.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING