Christmas Memories...old and new...

so...raise your hand if you are a baby boomer like myself and your mother cooked a fabulous dinner and was still bombed by the end of the night...those broads could do anything while sipping Manhattans in the kitchen!

this year kt and i cooked 15 3lb. maine lobsters and 2 filet roasts for 16 people while i drank egg nog and she drank water that tasted like cough syrup(?!)...it was a fabulous dinner...just like my mother's!

My husband and i are taking a huge trip to the wine country in june so we decided no gifts...well, that sucked! A little something couldn't hurt...am i being too materialistic?

My Jake made me a mixed music CD...he got the "no buying presents college student exemption" again this year...but more importantly, he sat with me Christmas morning, played it and told me why he chose each song...now THAT is a gift...

Christmas eve was very different this year...first, I got a chance to see much love and care surround a favorite niece who is in for some serious medical treatments...I then saw my little brother and his 4 kids and assorted "friends", "fiancees", and "fruitcakes"...fun!

I read the Polar Express for the 18th year and everyone had a great time making fun and joking around...I gave my Godchild the bell and he handled it with great maturity...and in the end I got applause and everyone "got" the message...very cool

3 out of 4 kids came for breakfast and we had 1 hour around the table of earnest, interesting conversation...not as typical as you would think, but oh so rewarding...

In the end Billy and I came home...and felt satisfied...at this time in our life we can't ask for more than that can we?

Joan Didion

So...I had dinner with my girlfriends last night and one of them complimented me on this blog...she said she loves to read it and sometimes even shares it with co-workers...she even said she looks forward to it. Just as I was feeling good about it another girlfriend said,"I don't get it...like, what is it? what am I supposed to do with it? Do I have to answer it all the time?" The first woman said...,"No, you read it...it is there to read and affect you one way or another" and I said, "no one needs to answer my blog...it is for the universe to read..."

So...after that conversation I decided to print one of my all time favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors...

"I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means... What I want and what I fear."

Thanks Joan, I could not have said it better myself!

Chuck Had It All...And He Knew It

So...I went to a funeral last week...one of my most favorite teachers lost her father too young and she was just devastated. She gave a beautiful eulogy helping us to get to know him a little better...and then a friend and co-worker spoke. He said something that just struck me that day and every day since...he said, "Chuck Had It All...And He Knew It"

This little sentence has been in my mind...and my heart... since I heard it...WOW, why don't we all know it? Why don't we all realize that our life ...our simple family life...would really be special to so very many people...we have love, we have laughter, and we have each other. Even though so and so hurt our feelings in June and such and such didn't remember our birthday and what's her name didn't come to our son's game...they are still ours...let's put THAT in perspective...no matter what...they are OURS...and now I think, "Lucky Me" instead of "They drive me crazy!"

So i have to be honest, here...I have decided to embrace Christmas, even though it is my least favorite holiday. I have had so very many wonderful ones and just a few that I allowed to ruin what is family moments...MY family moments...year after year.There is a reason for this season...other than religious...and that is to remind all of us to stop, take a breath, and be grateful for our bounty.

In an ideal world, holidays would stay fixed in time, stuck on endless replay at our happiest moment when everyone we love is present, smiling, with a full plate and a happy heart. No one would ever pass away, move away, split up, get sick, go off to war, have a cancelled flight or be kept away by spiked gas prices. Real life, however, is in a constant state of flux, and that's rarely made so poignant as during the holidays when most people are comfortable sticking to traditions. This year I am going to embrace all of the family changes and realize once and for all...

SUSAN HAS IT ALL...AND SHE KNOWS IT!!

Happy Holidays

The Dirty Bird

So...I was having a semi adventure at a magnificent beach house...the same one as last year...and again, it was a peaceful and calm respite from my everyday life... Although I brought my husband with me.But honestly, he made it better, richer, more interesting and more well...you know. Everytime I come down to this shore town I bring up lots of memories of years past when I was here...

My youngest brother has made his permanent home on the island and when we are together my mind naturally goes back to when we were kids and this was a small...very small beach town. Many memories and images... We all lived in tiny little beach cottages that had running water, 3 bedrooms, one small kitchen and living room combined... but no washer and dryer... On Fridays my mother went to the Avalon laundromat in the next town over to prepare for the weekend...she went with her girlfriends and Yetta...the one with the car. The Avalon laundromat was called "The Dirty Bird" and for some reason she was always happy to go. I had to stay home and watch my brothers...NO BEACH FOR FEAR OF DROWNING...so I was stuck in my house, with no TV, only a transistor radio that "almost" got a station...as were my friends...all of us watching "the babies"!

So off our moms went stuffing into a very, very old green Plymouth with standard gears on the column and 5 women plus wash for at least 17 kids...i could never figure out just what the hell was so much fun about that?? really?? AND...they came back happier than they left...5 hours later I might add. All I knew was we all had clean underwear and I got away from my brothers after she came home and I helped put the clothes away. Sometimes the green Plymouth, and Yetta, had to go back and forth twice because the clean clothes needed so much more room...and when my Mom was the last pickup she had to wait so long she took a nap when she got home because she was exhausted.

My Dad came on Friday night...the wash was done...and the fun began! It was such a sweet, innocent time. It wasn't until years later that I learned that the Avalon laudromat was across the street from a bar called...wait for it... "The Black Eagle"...oh yes, nicknamed, "THE DIRTY BIRD"...easily gotten to while waiting for that washer and dryer to finish...as I said, an innocent time!

Thanksgiving 2009

Random Thoughts about Thanksgiving 2009:

1. I love Thanksgiving
2. It is a wonderful feeling to have all of my children around the table...not so
wonderful to be missing a couple.
3. Beating my brother and the "boys" team in Trivial Pursuit twice!
4. Winning on this question,"What Las Vegas casino has gondeliers?"!
5. Chopping and slicing celery and onions with my husband

EGGNOG

6. Listening to my niece discussing her upcoming wedding plans
7. Meeting my nephew's new girlfriend
8. Walking 2 miles every single morning
9. Jogging for about...a little...to get ready for our 1 mile fun run...and Mr. B...
10. My turkey and stuffing were awesome this year.
11. Getting to know my make pretend grandson Matthew better and better...now that he
is 2...
12. Cutting and chopping celery and onions with my husband

EGGNOG

13. Watching KT take photographs in a joyful way
14. Wondering how much the people tenting outside Best Buy really save and is it worth
it?
15. Are people REALLY going to get up tomorrow for the 5:00 Target opening?
15. 10:00...everyone left...ahhhhhh quiet...

EGGNOG!!!

Last year I wrote a big long blog about all of the things and people I am thankful for...I would like to say...ditto! It was this time last year that I was in a slump and one way I found comfort was in writing this...I have been writing off and on all year but I still find a measure of solace and even fun in writing this.

Now comes Christmas...I do not like it...not at all...but I do like Santa Claus...come back...we will talk!

An Adventure

So...how do you define an adventure? I mean, does it HAVE to be a trip to Tahiti aboard The Kon Tiki or climbing to the summit of Mt. Everest? Is it visiting Europe or Asia for the first time...or can it be the very first day of college, beginning a new job, or driving in Manhattan for the first time? How about dating from Match.com or going to the movies alone?

I hate to think at 61 years old I am out of adventures...that everything I do is old, been done before, or doesn't sound exciting...of course if ever I were to drive in Manhattan, in no way would I consider that "exciting", but most definitely an adventure!

I like to think, if done correctly, each day could be an adventure...so, why aren't they? Why do we accept days as just something to get through rather than something to revel in, something to applaud, something to remember as we lay our heads down, exhausted, not from dull chores but from ADVENTURE!!

Let's define some of the chores each day and figure out how they can be considered adventurous:

1.Driving to work ...I like to play the radio...loud...and sometimes sing and direct the music to punmp myself up(like the guy in the commercial)...certainly an adventure for those watching me!

2.Making lunch...Most days I eat what is available in the refrigerator, either mine or the faculty room...ALWAYS an adventure when I have to decide ...do I cut the fuzzy stuff off, eat around it, or throw it away?

3.Cleaning up the paperwork...interestingly enough I have 2 IN boxes on my desk so when I attack inbox #1 I put it into inbox #2 completely unscathed...until that day...that very "adventurous" day... when I actually DO the work required...SUCH a happy day!

4.Disciplining grade school kids...***see article about the gingerbread man***...

5.Visiting Kindergarten...imagine the excitement everyday when I can walk into a K classroom and everyone wants a hug from Mrs. M...PRICELESS

6. Making dinner...Ordering out from a new spot is ALWAYS an adventure...we try that once a week!

so...what do you think? can you make your life...your day to day existence... adventurous? I tried and didn't do half bad...I almost can't wait to go to work tomorrow to continue my adventure...ALMOST...

PS...my husband requested pot roast for dinner again...oy, what have I done?

Is it appropriate?

So I am sitting in my office when I get an email from a teacher discussing a student's interesting take on a gingerbread man...it soon arrives in my office and ...oh yes...interesting. Between the gingerbread man's legs is a very large, very straight pipe cleaner...hmmmm. So I call for the student to come to my office.He looks incredibly guilty when he walks in and sees his creation on my desk. I point to the offending pipe cleaner and ask him "What is this supposed to be?" He answers, as only a 1st grader can, "A weiner". I say, "Is that okay in school?" and he says...wait for it..."It is inappropriate"...there it is that word...INAPPROPRIATE!

When did we start using that word for everything that is unacceptable in our lives...and WHEN did we teach it to young children? Had I or anyone my age made that gingerbread man with a male member sticking out of it...the action would have been condemned as wrong...I can hear my mother..."You do not do things like that in school or out of school...it is just wrong"...A phrase I heard alot as a child... And I lived to know the difference between right and wrong and good and bad and STILL have a good self image about myself...My parents were never afraid to say it like it is...a model I followed with my own children...when they didn't follow the rules I told them...when they were wrong I told them...when they were bad I told them...when they finished their punishment I told them I loved, loved, loved them and knew they would never do it again...until the next time!

Why are we so afraid to be direct with our children...In my mind inappropriate means you really shouldn't do that, sweetheart...it means oh honey bunny, what were you thinking...it means lets' you and I think of a consequence so it never happens again like no cartoons for one hour tonight...wrong means you better NEVER do it again or you will NEVER get out of your bedroom.Just so you know, my brothers and I are out of our bedrooms and feeling good about ourselves...we loved our parents and listened to them as they guided us through life...did they do it gently when we were "inappropriate"...oh no...there was frustration, anger,lots of silence, and many many missed cartoon Saturday mornings... but mostly there was love.

Here are some Synonyms for inappropriate as defined by Webster and Roget: graceless, improper, inapt, incongruous, incorrect, indecorous, inept, infelicitous, unapt, unbecoming, unfit, unhappy, unseemly, unsuitable, wrong
Related Words inopportune, unfortunate, unseasonable, untimely; immaterial, irrelevant; incompatible, uncongenial, unharmonious; bad, naughty, sinful; blamable, blameworthy, censurable; banned, barred, disallowed; forbidden, interdicted, outlawed, prohibited, proscribed; awkward, gauche, ungraceful; unacceptable, unsatisfactory

So they go from unsuitable to forbidden...such a wide berth for defining one word...personally, I believe children love us more when their life has perameters and restrictions and they don't get to choose their own consequence...they feel how much we love them when we teach them the difference...but I gotta tell ya....that gingerbread man was HYSTERICAL!!

She's my momma.....

Roast of Beef

I was food shopping yesterday when I saw really nice rump roasts that I recognized from years and years ago when I used to cook. I remembered that good old roast of beef that everybody's mother, including mine, made for Sunday dinner. They were on sale...two for one...and I thought oh hell, why not...why not cook a roast of beef on Sunday...we are not doing anything and The Eagles play at 8 and it gets dark early...so, why not!

I came home from the store and my husband is the carrier and the putter away helper and said ,"What is this?" "roast of beef" I answered. "What are you going to do with it", he asked? "Roast it", I said. "When...and why", he said. "Because it was there, "I said....Then he said the most amazing thing..."Do you know that in 15 years of marriage you have never made me a roast beef!" "Wow", i thought..."Really" I said, knowing he was right.

My very first thought was to give the damn thing away...why would I let him know that I can actually make a pretty good roast, oh yeah, i thought about that all Saturday. But in the end, I decided, what the hell...I am going to show my stuff.So i started chopping...potatoes, peppers, carrots, onions and celery. It made me wish that i had done this in the summer using KT's and my peppers and carrots and lettuce for our salad but let's be honest...no one roasts a beef in august...do they??

So it is 3.5 hours later and the roast...made pot roast style...is served(in my pajamas with dirty hair and a messy house!)

Now, this presents a whole new set of problems...who to cook for. You just don't have a roast for two people.My first thought were my girlfriends but you know how that goes...you have to dust, vacuum, clean the bathroom...that just is not going to work for me...neighbors?? too many...how do you choose just a few when they are all together watching football? Family...my brothers live too far away as do my aunts and cousins...my sons are too busy but my sweet KT...PERFECT...she and Tommy will come in pajamas, we can eat around the small table...and even I don't have to get out of my sweats...so...in they came right at 6:00.

so...the verdict...my husband said, Just like Mom used to make...and ease up on the carrots next time"...my fake son in law said" Fantastic, almost as good as my mother's" and my daughter said, "Like I never left home...ditto on the carrots"...
ok...I'll call you when I cook again.

I went into one of my 3rd grades today to say hello and to see what they were working on...The kids did an excellent job of telling me about the stories they were writing...the topic being, their favorite place. I listened to each child name their favorite place...DisneyWorld, the beach, Florida... and then they asked me mine...without hesitation I said, "Our school, Lynnewood".

One adorable little girl, Elizabeth, jumped up and said, "Why don't you write a story and tell us why just like we are doing". The whole class got excited..."yeah, cool, do it"...the teacher pops up with the rules and gives me the Self-editing checklist that all the students are using...it looks like this:
FAVORITE PLACE SELF EDITING CHECKLIST
Content:
• 5 senses • descriptive words
• Topic Sentence • Details
• Concluding Sentence
Grammar
• Indent • Capital Letters
• ! ? . • Beginning Words
• Indent • Spelling
Extras
• Simile • Alliteration

My God...they gave me homework!!
Okay...here goes...

In the morning when I arrive at Lynnewood it is the only time in the day when the school is almost silent.I can hear distant adult voices, a printer printing and the copier copying...the phone has not yet begun to ring and the teachers have not yet entered the office with questions and excitement about the day! I love morning here...I visit teachers, learn about the day they have planned for the kids and check the faculty room for a stray muffin or perhaps left over birthday cake!
By lunchtime the building is full of noise and I see people hustling and bustling everywhere. I get some wonderful hugs that feel so good, I steal some french fries off of a student's tray that taste so good and I smell the chocolate chip cookies being baked in our kitchen that make me want to go down and sample one or maybe two!
At the end of the day I feel tired...happy tired...because I have had another wonderful day at Lynnewood.I get to do a job I love and spend time with all of my Fabulous Fantastic Friends...I do not even mind doing my homework1

So there...a 3rd grade writing project for Mrs. Wolfe's class...what do you think?

i find failure to be a dirty word...my definition of failure is something or someone that does not try...not at all...not lift a finger...not really want to lift a finger...and when things don't work they blame someone else...

of course the obvious failure is walking out on your children and not looking back...other than that...if you are trying as hard as you can and things just don't work out...in this economy...I think you are a hero...just saying...

Sunday Ramblings

Ramblings on a sunday...Phillies lost and i am really feeling down...Jesus, there is war, starving children and New Orleans is still a mess...but the Phillies loss is affecting me the most...that is really fucked up!...

My children...all 4....went to the final Spectrum concert last night featuring Pearl Jam...All my nieces and nephews (at least the fun ones!) were there...20 years ago I would have been there...I have so many cool memories of that place: Bruce Springsteen twice, Neil Diamond, Tom Jones!! and lots of great basketball...but i was just happy they all got to go...CH Ch Ch CHANGES...

It seems to me that I am writing this blog and no one is reading this...(except my daughter who doesn't like when i write because she says it pressures her to do the same)...sort of like if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there...does it make a noise? My question is...if a woman writes a blog and no one reads it...is it still a blog...or is it crazy thoughts some broad thinks people care about...or stupid ideas that some self important woman think matters...I will think of it as my way to have fun with writing and hope people breeze by and perhaps communicate with me...

AHHH now that i wrote that line i get it...i want to communicate...that is what i want to do...communicate myself to anyone with the time to read and has an interest in a 61 year old woman with a specific lens on life...maybe not your lens but mine...there i feel better...I know why i am here...

HAPPY SUNDAY!

I love Hillary Clinton...there I said it...I just love her. The woman is a highly intelligent being that wants...actually needs...a kind of success that most of us just watch from way below. Unfortunately for her she hooked up with an equally intelligent man that just happened to be an egomaniac that wanted it as much or even more than she did.She hitched her star to his...why? because a woman in the 60s was just beginning to think about burning her bra forget being president someday.

There was so much good she should have been able to do for this country if only...if only American women had a little compassion. Oh sure, he was (is) a pig but there was so much righteousness surrounding female opinion of the pig's wife...I often heard, "How could she stay with him...I would never stay with him"...of course not...but you do stay with men who never pick up their underwear, men who play golf every weekend leaving you with the kids for 48 hours or more after you have worked a full week, men who would never dream of cleaning up after dinner...or cooking dinner for that matter even though you both work all day. Men who take long business trips, tailgate and party all day Sundays with their buddies while flirting with young girls in their tiny cut off jerseys...there is nothing wrong with any of these things...however, what are you,the women, doing while they are being "men"...right, you are doing EVERYTHING ELSE THAT NEEDS DOING TO KEEP THE FAMILY RUNNING!...let us not forget wifebeaters, internet stalkers, porn addicts and cheaters who never get caught.

I know i sound like a man hater...and actually i am not, i love men oh i really, really do...but i hope i am a human who leaves room for human foibles and mistakes only to try again to be better. If we had allowed Hillary Clinton to be who she knew she could be we would not be having this health care debate today and I honestly believe children all over the world would be better off because she was the first lady...

But instead we turned our back on her because she stayed with a man she loved even though he was an asshole in his personal life, not hers now, but his...we blamed her...shame on us women...how many of you have forgiven that mistake...how many of you are terrified of that mistake...how many of you secretly know your husband is probably making that mistake...my ex left me for his puttan secretary and for about 2 years i would have immediately taken him back... most importantly, how many of you are willing to be judged professionally by your response to HIS mistake...none I will venture...

She is Secretary of State, an amazing position to be held by a women...AND...she knows what she is doing. Huzzah Hillary Huzzah for not letting him or us take you down...I have so much respect and admiration for your willingness to stand up straight and tall and be who you are, not who people think you should be.

Jake and Harry...Perfect Together

Since most of our readers are parents I wanted to share with you an experience I have had as a parent. I have been blessed with 4 children and am now getting ready to send the very last one out of the nest…This is a story about him...

When my son Jake was in 2^nd grade a new author named JK Rowling had a phenomenal first book called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. I had heard that it was a fantastic read for everyone but maybe a little scary for some. So I decided that it was a perfect read aloud for me and my youngest child, a way for us to spend a little time together in this busy hurried world.

We read it…and, of course, we loved it! We talked and talked about the characters, the setting, what it would be like to go to boarding school, what it would be like to know magic and on and on. When we realized that there was to be a series we were exhilarated. We were so wrapped up in Harry’s world that we read those books as soon as they came out and joined in the world wide excitement of what would happen next to all of these characters that we so loved and admired.

By the fourth book Jake was reading them on his own and encouraging me to read them quickly as well so we could discuss and remember the fun of each story. When the movies came out we always made a date to see them together and we always got the DVD as a present for some occasion.

When Jake went on to Haverford Middle School Hogwarts and all that came with it helped both of us stay close to each other. As I am sure most of you know, or will know, 7^th graders are not the easiest group to talk to! But when all else failed I could always bring up Quidditch and talk about his sports or Ron and Hermione and get a conversation going about his friendships. As the years went on we would compare Haverford High to Hogwarts and his favorite and least favorite teachers to Professor Snape and Dumbledore.

And then in the summer of 2007 it happened…JK Rowling published her last Harry Potter and my Jake became a high school senior. My heart took a stutter step. Where did the time go? Just as Harry was about to begin a new journey as an adult so was my boy preparing to finish his last year at home.

Of course, he ran and got the book and stayed up all night reading it. And ,of course, he bugged and bugged me to read it too. But, I just couldn’t bring myself to end the story…either Harry’s or Jake’s I guess.

Well, Spring Break gave me the time…and I made him a promise that I would finish it. At 3:00 AM on the Wednesday of Spring Break I closed the Harry Potter Book and there was my Jake sleeping beside me on the couch just waiting for me to complete the journey. I woke him up, and we laughed and talked about the glorious experience he and I had shared for so many years. And probably for the very last in my life, he let me tuck him in!

When I went to bed I couldn’t help but be sad that the book and that part of my life was over but so very, very grateful for time that my boy and I had talking about his life… while reading about another little boy and his life. The opportunities that Jake and I had to talk about what is important or kind or smart or safe to us were immeasurable thanks to a boy and his magic…honestly, I think we were touched by that magic!

Graduation was June 9…College is no longer a dream…my nest is empty...my Elvis has left the building!

Making Connections in My School

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, its’ not!” Words written by Theodore Gueisel when writing a book about ruining the environment and a little grumpy old man trying to protect it. Thanks to that book and many more experts and public relations campaigns the whole world has become aware of the need to take care of our planet…and I am so glad that our community has taken up the connection between ourselves and the Earth…many of us and our families have begun the work of recycling, saving electricity and bringing sustainable bags to the Superfresh.

Another connection that I would like to remind us about is our important connection to people…all people. The month of October we will begin to support The Life Center, a place for people with devastating troubles…homeless, hungry, out of work… to go and get help from their community. We will collect new gloves, mittens, hat, scarves and gently used coats to keep them warm in the winter.
Beginning in January one class a week will make lunches for them…and volunteer parents will deliver
those lunches.

In November we will have a food drive…last year we filled a whole van… Could a bus be in our future? In February we will collect Pennies For Patients…$ for the cure of Children’s Cancer.
Many teachers take their students to a home for Seniors where they sing, play cards and games and make crafts with the delighted residents.

We also do community service right here at school by planting beautiful flowers, decorating our halls and helping teachers when they need it. We are working hard helping your children understand their connection not only to the environment but to the people in it.

I am sure in your own life you have helped someone…or…someone has helped you. A small way can mean a huge amount to someone. It doesn’t always have to be helping a person less fortunate…Last week I had been to an administrative meeting at the Admin center that felt like it lasted for about 2 days…in reality maybe 4 hours. I was tired and cranky and knew I had to come back and smile for our staff and students so I decided to treat myself to a WaWa cappuccino! As I stood in line searching for my wallet someone from across the cash register said, “Hey Mrs. Mingey, your coffee is on me!” It was a Lynnewood parent and let me tell you, that parent made my day! I smiled inside and out, thanked him profusely and when I returned to school I was all smiles and energy…that act of kindness touched not only me, but his child whom I immediately told, and everyone else I came in contact with…a great day…Because someone like him cared a whole awful lot…about connecting with another human being.

As you go through your day think about connecting to other people…you never know who could use a cup of coffee or a smile or a kind word… When you see me ask who the parent was that treated me to coffee…and maybe we can also chat how you are connected and possibly can be connected to this wonderful community of ours!

Things i need to throw away...

So...now that it is Fall and I am changing my closets from summer to fall and really trying to throw away stuff...they say if you haven't worn it for 2 years, or you can't get into it then out it goes into the trash bag. First goes really old sweatpants that make me look like a small tractor trailer hauling pigs to slaughter...a sweater that I used to love that the moths have loved even more...lots of socks that are tight...do feet grow? and how about all of those pants and blouses that shrunk in the back of the closet because they didn't get any sun...oh yes, clothes need sun or they will shrink...that is my story and i am sticking to it...just ask Tina Turner over there...she definitely kept that outfit in a dark closet for too long!

When the closets are completed I am going to continue... I am going to throw away any and all catalogs...they are killing me with new looks, new trends, and new "must haves" for the season...It seems to me I have just emptied my closet of 3 years ago's looks, trends, and "must haves".

I might as well throw away my muffin tins and pie plates...who am I kidding having those in the house. The last time they saw heat was when I let the kids bring them to the beach to use as building blocks in the sand.

Time to get rid of the US and People magazines...Brad and Jen are done, Ben found a new Jen, and Brad and Angelina found ice cream in Africa...who knew...more importantly, who cares...

I am throwing away the guilt I feel every time one of my kids or my husband begins a sentence with, "You should have...(told me, called me, helped me, woken me...fill in your own should have...)"my answer now is get a grip...I lift my eyes to heaven...and the message gets delivered...

I think now I will throw away saying yes to every invitation...even though I don't want to go...I love my friends and family but from this day forward I will not be at jewelry parties or Southern Home Luncheons...ever...

Wow...let's have a contest...old Halloween costumes...who still has their term papers from college?...every birthday card your kids ever sent you?...buttons, OMG the buttons I have...resentments, jealousies, worries...THROW THEM AWAY...

so what do you think...what would you like to throw out?

What I should be doing on a Sunday in October:

• Wash
• Vacuuming
• Food Shopping
• Writing teacher Observations
• Preparing my schedule for the week
• Calling Aunt Mag
  
• Calling Aunt Catherine
• Returning school phone calls...GOD, I HATE THE PHONE!!
• Cleaning the windows
• Taking the air conditioner window units out
• Preparing the plants to come inside
• Having sex with my husband
• Shopping for new baby gifts for 2 special friends that just had grandbabies...AT LEAST BUY A CARD FOR CHRIST SAKE!

What I am doing on this Sunday in October:

• SEE IMAGES...

Matchy Matchy

So I was getting dressed for work the other day and I knew I had a long day with lots of different parts...different needs that called for different styles of dress...and, of course, my new most important rule of dressing...COMFORT. I had a funeral, a cabinet meeting, a teacher observation, read a story to 2 Kindergarten classes, dinner with friends and an Ed foundation evening meeting...what to wear?

I began with a black, and white skirt made of the dreaded travel knit...a really great COMFORTABLE black top...travel knit, of course,( a topic for another day)...black stockings, black patent leather flats with silver buckles and a black, white, and silver scarf around my neck... jewelry...silver watch, silver and black bracelet and silver hoops...outfit completed...I looked in the mirror and heard my daughter's voice...

MATCHY MATCHY...

oh yeah, everything I had on correlated with the next thing...not like an edgy Project Runway collection that has to go together in a high fashion sort of way... more like Garanimals. It drives my KT crazy and gives me a feeling of completeness...symmetry...I am finished and I look "together"...she thinks I look contrived and a little plastic I guess...

so here is the generational to reflect upon...when you look for a necklace, do you look for the earrings to match...when you buy slacks do you find the sweater in the exact shade...are you buying suits or blazers on their own...have you ever worn mother and daughter dresses??!!

Now here is the really BIG question that will tell me whether you are in my matchy matchy group...will you wear gold jewelry with silver?? KT, my girl...where do you stand?

Happy Birthday Yo Yo Ma

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but
whose place no one else can take."
-- Cardinal Mermillod



dark hair softer than the raven
deep brown wide open eyes
skin smooth and soft as blue skies


a laugh that forces you to join
her presence igniting the room
an honesty greater than most presume


wisened by loving and living
advice empowering the weakest link
to stand up and believe in what they think



for the three she is the maven
always answering the cries
cheering and believing in all of the tries

presiding over the four who adjoin
showing us the beauty of an heirloom
living all she has taught in the classroom

always without fail delivering
a heart impossible to shrink
forever we will be in sync


Happy Birthday to the one i get to call Mom....
I am TRULY blessed

~Meeennn~

On monday night we watch 2 and a half men...it is a sitcom that is the funniest thing on TV...incredibly vulgar...filled with sexual inuendo...and sometimes just plain dirty. i asked around and i found that lots of women i know watch it...and love it!
so here is my question for today...Most women I know and especially myself have a special aversion for men who only think of themselves and sex above all things...my ex husband was one of those...and i can be counted on to be the first one at the table to say most (not all, i did get very lucky the 2nd time)men are pigs and not to be trusted...
so here is what i want to know...according to as much celebrity gossip that i can read Charlie Sheen most definitely fits into that category... stories of prostitutes and drugs and partying like a movie star...why do all women...including me... think he is so cute...so funny...so, so, so Charlie?? why? why? why?

we always forgive them don't we girls...what's up with that??

Call Phone Conundrum

I can't hear on my cell phone...on any cell phone, actually. the voice is either too loud and scratchy or too low...either way, for me, the sound is never as clear as it is on a land line...my kids think i am crazy...they don't even have land lines...but i know, in work, on a land line phone, i can hear people so much clearer than i can on my cell...

this frustrates the hell out of my children, especially kt and jake...kt always assumes i am not listening...that i am either watching tv or on the computer...jake just loses patience with me as i keep sayin...what? who? where?...honestly...I CAN'T HEAR YOU...

so here is my conundrum...do i just keep saying uh hunh or sure or laugh if it seems appropriate as if i am speaking to someone who is talking to me in Chinese...or do I keep asking for something to be repeated which annoys the hell out of them...a conundrum to be sure...let's reflect...let me know what you think!...talk to you tomorrow...on my land line...

Day #1...10/03/09

I am going to try to write in this everyday...i don't know what about but I know i am interested in the process of writing...how to make it interesting...how to write so people will want to read it...how to make it uncommon...
i guess the first thing i need is a topic...i look over people's blogs and see lots of i am having a baby or we had a baby or hello to our families far away blogs...there are menopause blogs and fantasy football blogs...teacher, mommy, and girlfriend blogs...student blogs and artist blogs...food columnist blogs and celebrity blogs...all perhaps trying to recreate the success of the Julia/Julie success...
For me...i am going to write about what i know... just what I know...my experiences...my view of the world...and who would want to read this...who is interested in my perspective...and do i care...is it just for me? my kids? my family? my friends? or am i hoping for more...i guess i will have to wait and let this evolve...
saturday night in october...crisp, clear...we had my aunt's memorial mass today ...i loved seeing my family all together...my cousins, my uncles and aunts...i am embarassed that these people that share my blood have lived the ridiculous cliche...funerals and weddings...i had a hard time leaving the luncheon...i don't know when i will see them again...but i do know that if i ever need them...BAM...here they are.

My Eulogy for My Aunt Rosemarie

I was actually raised with my aunt Rosemarie and my Aunt Catherine…at times I think that they were my very first girlfriends…but there was a big difference between my aunts…Aunt Catherine was a rule follower…always where she said she was supposed to be…always home on time…always helping Grandmom around the house and in the kitchen…Aunt Rosemarie…well…maybe not so much…she is the one that introduced me to The Bristol Stomp, Make-up, how to tease my hair…out to HERE…and boys…oh she liked boys…and they liked her too…how could they resist…she was all smiles and laughter…and fun…it was always fun to be around my aunt Rosemarie.

As a matter of fact the first time I ever remember her getting really serious about anything was when she told me about meeting someone named Augie Lari…first we all tried so hard to get his name straight…was it Augie? Was it Lari with 2 r’s and a y or An R and i…that took us a while… she told me he was slim, handsome with great cheekbones and slick black hair…and I was going to be a bridesmaid…my senior year in high school and I was in love with love…my father gave her away and my Grandmother wore blue and it was a beautiful, beautiful crisp November day…we wore green and gold brocade and the dress was so beautiful that I wore it to my senior prom…we drove around South Philadelphia first taking photos at the lakes and then visiting houses where the men had a shot of whiskey and the women giggled and had our pictures taken…that night I saw my aunt Rosemarie and my Uncle Lari dance and laugh and I saw the way he looked at her…and I knew God was in His heaven and all was right in my Aunt Ro’s world!

Aunt Rosemarie always wanted to be a wife and Mother…I believe the most noble profession a woman can achieve…and she was such a good one…With each child her heart grew bigger and her capacity to love expanded with it…First handsome Mark…who once won a trip to Paris on Bastille Day and tried to give it to his parents to let them know how important they are to him …sweet patty who grew up to be her mother’s best friend and confidant…and Brian the baby and the student…and now an assistant principal …beloved by every student and colleague that he comes into contact with…so much for my aunt to be proud of…

My aunt rosemarie was the nicest person I have ever met...no matter how long it had been or how late it was she opened the door and her heart with open arms and welcomed all of us. That kind of unconditional love is so rare in this world and it was always there for us in her house…always! She had a generosity of spirit that, in this world of personal agendas, is rarely seen. I never once heard her put herself first...it was always, My Mark, My MaryAnne, My Brian, My Patty, My sister Catherine, My Lari, my brother Dominic, my Grandchildren, my nieces, my nephews, my sister in law Joan, my friends...everyone but herself…always…

When Aunt Rosemarie got sick Brian called me on the sly because of course she didn’t want me to know…I didn’t know what to do …I called my brothers and I called Brian often until I finally just sent her flowers and called and went to see her…every single time I went for a visit she was as positive and as happy as always…Brian tells me she was like that with everyone…she never let anyone see the sadness or the pain she was feeling…that would not be her way…

My Aunt Rosemarie was blessed in many ways…I have spoken about Uncle Lari and her children…my Uncle Dominic has certainly been a blessing to all of us…I know he visited my Aunt every Sunday morning and always brought some sunshine and laughter to the breakfast table…one of her most special blessings was and is my Aunt Catherine…she and my Aunt Ro were the most wonderful tag team…if one of them didn’t get us for something…the other one did!! and I know all of us are so very grateful that she had her to care for her and keep her safe until the end.

My aunt would have loved the gospel…I leave you with what she used to tell us…because no one I will ever know lived the Beautitudes the way my Aunt Ro did…

Rosemarie is finally getting to know her father...and spending some time with her mother and her brother, my father...in heaven...I hope they are not talking Italian...because my aunt forgot it all!

Random Thoughts

Teddy Kennedy died and i am watching his funeral...i bet aunt mag is watching...what an amazing family these kennedys are...all these beautiful kids with problems just like all of us...alcoholism, drugs, divorce...but held to such a higher standard by all irish american catholics...sort of like Notre Dame University...why do all irish catholics love that school and consider it the ultimate achievement for their progeny...well, none of the kennedy kids went there...and neither did any of mine...and they are all living on to enjoy productive lives never caring if that football team wins or not...perhaps even rooting against them!

A hot sunday before school begins...my mind is overloaded with things to do, things to remember, things to finish, things to begin...one of the busiest weeks of the year for me...

They Fucking Forgot My Birthday

My two oldest children were born in the 70's but grew up in the 80's...I STILL remember when we bought our first VCR and our first rental movie...Trading Places.From then on it was all John Hughes all the time...I think KT and I watched 16 Candles at least 100 times and OMG did we love Some Kind of Wonderful! So, as a tribute to my children and to the genius of John Hughes...to thank him for helping one Mom understand the teenage condition a little more clearly...here are some quotes from his movies to brighten your mood...

'The Breakfast Club' Quotes

"Two hits. Me hittin' you, you hittin' the floor."

"Screws fall out all the time. The world's an imperfect place."

"Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?"

"No Dad, what about you? F**k you!"

"So it's sorta social. Demented and sad, but social."

"I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights."

"Do I stutter?"

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"

"Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy."

"Face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?"

"Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong, but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain ... and an athlete ... and a basket case ... a princess ... and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."

'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' Quotes
"You killed the car."

"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond."

"Drugs?" "Thank you, no, I'm straight." "I meant, are you in here for drugs?" "Why are you here?" "Drugs."

"That's right, I'm Abe Froman." "... the Sausage King of Chicago?"

"Excuse me: if whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a scorching case of herpes."

"Save Ferris"

"Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Bueller?"

"You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings."

"Not that I condone fascism, or any 'ism' for that matter. Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off of people. "

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

"He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, okay I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'll go. S**t."

Grace: "Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
Ed Rooney: "That is why I need to show these kids that the example he sets is a first-class ticket to nowhere!"
Grace: "Oh, Ed - you sounded like Dirty Harry just then."
Ed Rooney: "Really? Thanks, Grace."


'Sixteen Candles' Quotes
"I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up."

"They fucking forgot my birthday."

"I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek."

"What's happenin', hot stuff?"

"I've never bagged a babe."

"By night's end, I predict me and her will interface."

'Some Kind of Wonderful' Quotes
"Break his heart, I'll break your face."

"I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons then alone for the right."

"You should consider whether or not you feel you can deliver the kiss that kills."

"You look good wearing my future."

'National Lampoon's Vacation' Quotes
"The Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it."

"Oh God! ... The dog wet on the picnic basket."

'Pretty in Pink' Quotes
"His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!"

"I know I'm old enough to be his mother, but when the Duck laid that kiss on me last night, I swear my thighs just went up in flames. He must practice on melons or something."

"God, Andie, I'd've died for you!"

"Love's a bitch, Duck. Love's a bitch. "

"Well, that's very nice. I'm glad. Well here's... here's the point, Andie. I'm not particularly concerned with whether or not you like me, because I live to like you and... and I can't like you anymore. So... so when you're feeling real low and... and dirty, and your heart is splattered all over hell, don't look to me to pump you back up 'cause... 'cause... 'cause maybe for the first time in your life I won't be there!"

"You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you. Well I believed in you. I just didn't believe in myself. I love you. Always."

'Uncle Buck' Quotes
Miles: "You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad."
Buck: "How nice of you to notice."
Miles: "I'm a kid - that's my job."

'Weird Science' Quotes
Wyatt: "Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?"'
Gary: "Ceremonial."

'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles' Quotes
Neal: "Del, why did you kiss my ear?"
Del: "Why are you holding my hand?"
Neal: "Where's your other hand?"
Del: "Between two pillows."
Neal: "Those aren't pillows!"

Ah the pressure...i have always done what my kids wanted or needed me to do...evidently my girl wants and needs me to do this...and since it was my idea in the first place here i am...doing it!!
Actually i am sitting in my new favorite place to be in the world...at kt's table in florida looking at her, tommy and the magnificent view of placida harbor...this is a magical spot for a person like me to get away from it all...quiet and peaceful with only the computer and cell phone to let the outside world in...and I get to control them...a perfect place for reflection, evaluation and moving forward.
But honestly, i do not enjoy reflection...in my work i always tell my teachers to reflect on their lesson i observed and they get to let me know how things could have been better...and i rate them higher...
But reflecting on my life only makes those sucko moments more sucko...i do not want to remember the casual words that i threw out to teachers, colleagues, friends, children, and husbands that were biting on the pretense of humor, I would like to forget my husband's surgery and the disagreements that resulted, and never do i want to review our last Christmas Eve familial discomfort...another story for another time...
However...reflecting on reflecting...
I have seen my daughter get her act together and do what is necessary for both of them to move on to the next phase...she has a wonderful job, a positive attitude and a garden that grows with her welcoming spirit...Tommy has gained a measure of independence that has allowed him the ability to "do his own thing" while she does hers. Jake has completed a year of college with honors...who knew...Michaeljohn and Jen have settled into a loving marriage that appears to be quite understandable to them...and Billy and I , along with the husband and wife "thingy", have developed a deep friendship with some clear understandings about NCIS and pizza...
My friendship with my brother grows stronger everyday...we still have the most wonderful ability to make each other laugh and cry at the same time. I am enjoying my niece's engagement and helping my sister in law work her way through the stuff that getting a daughter married entails...
As for me...i STILL love my job and the people i work with...i LOVE LOVE LOVE every child that comes across my day...the interactions and the laughter that come with running an elementary school...i STILL hate the paper work and cooking and getting up early and flu shots and medicine...but really...God is good to Suzin and Suzin knows it!

you get a year.....

i have decided i am 'one' with the blog again...i know we have taken a short break or maybe even quit it all together but i have decided to make the effort...again...1. because i enjoy writing 2. because i love my mother and we decided to do this and i want to show her that i am not an anti-commit-tite....at least not completely... and 3. because when she doesn't write i can whip out my guilt gun...(kidding mom...no pressure...besides, only YOU can make YOU feel guilty...wiser bullshit has never been uttered...:)


since it has been a few months i thought that i would catch whoever the hell is reading this up on my life...tom and i have been back from florida since may 8th...and while it was a wonderful respite from all the bullshit that had happened the previous 8 months it was time to come up north to the land of the living...for those of you who are not familiar with our 'hood' in florida suffice it to say that the highest percentage of adults aged 65 and older in the U.S. live in our county...and while there is NO nightlife (not that we have one any more anyway:) there is a fantastic 'daylife'... we live on the gulf of mexico and a 300 acre estuary that is teeming with vegetation, birds and water animals that constantly show their splashes, fins and wings in case you forget the natural beauty one is bathing in...as i became one with nature by paddling on my board and discovering local waterways and finally setting my eyes on a black crowned night heron, tom continued to heal and grow stronger...we got into a nice rhythm of exercising and beaching and rebuilding both each other and more importantly ourselves...well, at least i can speak for myself when i say that i slowly started to reassemble myself again...i was finally sick and tired of being defined, excused and compared to a victim who had dealt with a serious bump in the trajectory of her life...i can remember the exact moment i was DONE...my mother and i were in the car, she was down for a visit, and i was bitching, AGAIN, about how much my life had changed and how helpless i still felt and she basically told me it was time to 'find a place' for it and get over it...i looked at her and told her that she always said,' you get a year to mourn a 'biggie' and then you must move on...' she nodded in agreement and i thought to myself, well then i have 2 more months that i am allowed to bitch, complain and continue to feel sorry for myself...UUGGHHH.....thankfully, my next thought as i gripped onto the f-150 wheel in the parking lot outside bell's was YUCK, fuckshitdamn, did i just actually think that!!!????? like i needed 2 more months to bitch...oh christ...oh it was a moment...one i will never forget....and one that i have my mother to thank for...as well as all the ladies who stuck by me through many other moments during the mess that was my life this past year....you know who you are and you know how much you mean to me....words will never really cut it but i believe that if an autopsy was performed on me after my death the coroner would find my heart filled with all of you....the pheonix has risen from the ashes with all her girls dancing around the fire...thank you all for letting me bitch and moan, cry, scream and sometimes punch and most importantly, helping me remember i could always fly...

http://dlisted.com/

http://dlisted.com/

Shared via AddThis

tick tock

tick tock goes the clock of time
as painful as watching a mime

who is at the top of the bell tower
who decides the ringing hour

the hands on the face
constantly changing our space

what is the lesson of patience
how long one can stay in silence

before letting the rage roar
and one's foot stamping the floor

why must we learn this way
we are just wondering the day

waiting and waiting and wondering when
we can start waiting all over again

yoyo ma...

i just had a perfect day with my mother...
shopping, lunch, craig's list men seeking women...
mom and kid love is such a crazy love...
so instinctual...
so simple and convoluted all at the same time...
i love no other the way i love my mother...
as a mother,a sister, a friend, a mentor, a role model and most importantly...
as an inspiration...
she constantly inspires me to feel or do something...
with everything...
her fingerprints are smugded on every page of my book...
we've had a rough go of it lately...
not with each other...
although there has been some moments...
she has saved my life so many times these past 7 months...
and maybe there's something to the fact that we both pressed our luck...
and landed on a whammy at the same time...
who the hell knows...
i think we both stopped trying to figure out why...
it just is
and we just are...
it's hard for me to see her hurting..
digging down and dragging it all up...
dealing with her shit...
and she's just at the beginning...
but already she feels lighter to me...
truer to herself...
i am and always have been proud of the "one" i get to call mom...
i've always wanted to thank whoever arranged that...
the only bummer is that i have to share her with my 2 brothers...
but that's ok...
because i'm her favorite...
susan margret screnci hauer mingey yoyo ma tootsie...
oh my yoyo ma...
one of a kind and all mine...