Ah the pressure...i have always done what my kids wanted or needed me to do...evidently my girl wants and needs me to do this...and since it was my idea in the first place here i am...doing it!!
Actually i am sitting in my new favorite place to be in the world...at kt's table in florida looking at her, tommy and the magnificent view of placida harbor...this is a magical spot for a person like me to get away from it all...quiet and peaceful with only the computer and cell phone to let the outside world in...and I get to control them...a perfect place for reflection, evaluation and moving forward.
But honestly, i do not enjoy reflection...in my work i always tell my teachers to reflect on their lesson i observed and they get to let me know how things could have been better...and i rate them higher...
But reflecting on my life only makes those sucko moments more sucko...i do not want to remember the casual words that i threw out to teachers, colleagues, friends, children, and husbands that were biting on the pretense of humor, I would like to forget my husband's surgery and the disagreements that resulted, and never do i want to review our last Christmas Eve familial discomfort...another story for another time...
However...reflecting on reflecting...
I have seen my daughter get her act together and do what is necessary for both of them to move on to the next phase...she has a wonderful job, a positive attitude and a garden that grows with her welcoming spirit...Tommy has gained a measure of independence that has allowed him the ability to "do his own thing" while she does hers. Jake has completed a year of college with honors...who knew...Michaeljohn and Jen have settled into a loving marriage that appears to be quite understandable to them...and Billy and I , along with the husband and wife "thingy", have developed a deep friendship with some clear understandings about NCIS and pizza...
My friendship with my brother grows stronger everyday...we still have the most wonderful ability to make each other laugh and cry at the same time. I am enjoying my niece's engagement and helping my sister in law work her way through the stuff that getting a daughter married entails...
As for me...i STILL love my job and the people i work with...i LOVE LOVE LOVE every child that comes across my day...the interactions and the laughter that come with running an elementary school...i STILL hate the paper work and cooking and getting up early and flu shots and medicine...but really...God is good to Suzin and Suzin knows it!