The Nature of the Mammogram

So...interesting week...much has gone on for all of us...and I began the week with a mamogram...I get one every 6 months because I have dense breasts...I always say calling them dense makes them feel stupid...bad joke. I go to a seriously wonderful women's center...the only men you ever see there are those that are trying (so very, very hard) to support their wives, daughters, girlfriends or mothers...but mostly it is women...we don't talk to each other and we don't make eye contact...we read old People, Glamour, and Good Housekeeping magazines and pretend not to be nervous...you know, what the hell...my breasts in a vice 4 times...sort of like how it must feel if they were run over by a car...4 times...but only for 5 seconds each...doesn't make me nervous at all.

As I sit in silence I wonder why, other than a quick smile, we are not looking or talking to each other... and I decide that any answer to "what are you here for?" could make us all very uncomfortable and unable to respond...so we keep our eyes down until our names are called...but I have no doubt that if there were a woman visibly upset with no one to support her every woman in that room would be offering as much comfort as she could...but... if there were someone to support her then we would just be watching and feeling a small pit in the bottom of her stomach waiting for our turn...it is the nature of the mamogram...
 
At my center we never come back to the waiting room again until we are completely finished and we hear those words..."All good, you don't have to come back for 6 months (or a year)"...Then we...actually I...walk out with some pep in my step, smile at everyone, thank the receptionist...kiss the parking attendant...and go back to work to continue a pre-Thanksgiving week in an elementary school...and silently tell myself repeatedly that I am thankful  for stupid but clear breasts...I say it out loud to all of my female friends as well...but... if this were a fair world...I could share with even more people in my world  how this test makes me feel...both before, during and after...

Oprah...Again...

So...once again I ( and the rest of us, by the way) did not get a ticket to be on Oprah's Favorite Things That She Is Giving Away or whatever she calls it show...actually I don't even watch it...I watched it once a long, long time ago...maybe her very first one...and on that show she had a Norma Kamali jumpsuit that she said was the most comfortable, gorgeous, easy to wear outfit for at home OR going out she ever owned and we at home MUST simply go out and buy it...for...and I will never forget this...$765.00...really, Oprah...over 700 DOLLARS...and then she said, "buy two in different colors, THAT's how much I love them" oh yes, she said that...

Who does she think is watching that show? Lisa Vanderpump (my new favorite name) and the other Housewives of Beverly Hills...or does she know that her audience is just women getting home from work tired and cranky in their Kohl's outfits and Payless shoes getting an hour to sit down before picking the kids up from CCD, before putting the chicken strips and fries in the oven, before throwing in a load of wash,  before doing the homework...and CERTAINLY before getting into their Norma Kamali jumpsuit to look hot for their husband when he gets home!

So I didn't see it...but my God am I hearing about it...people at work, on TV, on the internet, everyone is talking about it...and I guess I just have to talk about it too...whenever I think about it I can only envision the Saturday Night Live where they satirized it and someone had her baby right there while someone's else's head blew off...FREE STUFF...and really FABULOUS FREE STUFF...but only if you are there...because if you are not there...then...

You get up from the couch and think about how much fun that would have been...


really, Oprah...a FREAKIN' cruise...

Friends Are A Blessing...

Friends are a blessing...no doubt about it...if you have friends then you have it all...someone to talk with, cry with, laugh with, exercise with, watch TV with, shop with, cook with, travel with,...you get the idea.

So... I read an article the other day written by a woman who said she was thinking about those most important friends in her life that have melted away...people that she considered BFFs or Besties at the time but that she no longer contacts or communicates with...she said that they just didn't have that much in common anymore and ran out of things to say...
For example she wrote about those women whose children went to nursery school with her children...they shared play dates, coffee, shopping, even went out to dinner and parties with each other and their husbands when their kids were in school together...but then the kids grew older, went to different elementary schools, and they kind of lost touch...

I too have had many wonderful friends that I have shared this kind of fun with...3 children, 2 husbands, 12 household moves, and 39 years later I have left a trail of very, very special women in my life that I just never hear from anymore...Diane in Boise, Idaho who took me camping in a tent and showed me how to shoot a gun...all she ever did was shake her head and say she never met anyone like me before...and all i did was tell her camping to me was black and white television and shooting was something we did late at night in dark bars with cute boys and shots of vodka.

Betty in Houston who was my daily devoted tennis partner, spoke with a funny accent and was madly in love with my (then) husband...God, I should have let her have him...or Marcia in Indianapolis who dressed in gingham dresses and had recipe cards with her formal engraved name on them...but we carpooled, played racquetball together and she loved to hear me curse!

My friend Mary and I raised our older kids together...grades 1 through 8...we saw each other just about every day through sports and school...sitting in gym after gym after gym cheering for each other's children...Friday nights sitting in her kitchen playing cards, smoking cigarettes, and drinking vodka tonics...talking about every thing under the sun from underwear to cramps...from old parents to new cars...from bratty kids to annoying teachers...from Harry Chapin to rap music...and then one day we moved about 5 miles away and I had a baby and got a divorce and then she was gone... our children grew up and every once in awhile we say hi on Facebook...and it will never be the same...but I will never, ever forget her and the years we spent together... 

My college room mate the beautiful Rosanne who was the maid of honor at my first wedding...we lived together for 3 years and  shared everything together...clothes, classes, heartaches, gossip and falling in love and getting married...we try and try and try to stay in touch and visit each other but the years have taken a toll on our friendship...she lives in California, stayed gorgeous, and enjoys a lifestyle that I can only watch from afar...and visa versa...I miss her and love remembering how we would laugh and cry together about mean girls and dumb boys!   

I am blessed to have many, many women in my life today...so many more that I could mention and probably will some day...female family and friends that I treasure, enjoy and admire...I believe with all of my heart that I am who I am because of all of these remarkable women that have and are still leaving their mark on me...KT has wonderful friends too...neither one of us has a sister...but we both feel like we got to pick our own!!

Happy Birthday KTBethSusan Hauer...

happy birthday to my beautiful girl...I have always told her she is my middle child which means she is at the very center of my heart and without her I lose all sense of balance...

I'M BAAAAACK...

So...where have I been...I don't know, really, just living my life I guess...for whatever reason writing this seemed more than I wanted to do...typing this seemed like a chore... and the hardest part...finding things to write about...seemed impossible. 

It has been almost a year since my last entry and certainly lots of wonderful things have happened...school has closed and opened with much joy and excitement on both ends...Jake has come home for the summer and gone back to college...again, with much joy and excitement on both ends...and the Phillies well...they DIDN'T make the World Series so whatever joy and excitement they created they also killed...dead...with a large thump!

Drew Brees and Son

Is this the sexiest, sweetest, most stupendous photo ever or what?

Writing

"I teach GED English and creative writing. Mostly the women want to write about themselves, and it helps them, you know. Gives them wings, so that they can rise above the confounding mazes of their lives and, from that perspective, begin to see the patterns and dead ends of their pasts, and a way out. That's the funny thing about mazes: what's baffling on the ground begins to make sense when you can begin to rise above it, the better to understand history and fix yourself."

WOW...Wally Lamb wrote that in his latest book...it made me think alot about what I observe, what I live... all those confounding mazes that are my inspiration for these essays that I so enjoy writing. I get my inspiration from my connections to all things...friends, family, students, teachers, acquaintances, men (absolutely their OWN category!) and the beach...

My husband once called my mind "The Perfect Storm" and I think he described me perfectly. Whether I am thinking about why I put so much time into my outfit this morning and probably won't see anyone I need to impress(don't you hate that!) to that moment in an argument when I realize I am wrong...oy, painful...I am always trying to connect the dots of my life...that is..."rise above the confounding maze of my life" but not in such a complex way...just so I don't make stupid mistakes again and again and A gain, as Lionel Ritchie sings.

Mr. Lamb ends"...the better to understand history and fix yourself." I read once that getting to be 60 means you are who you are and as such, must be accepted, celebrated, honored and the kids have to just raise their eyes to heaven and say,"Oh Christ, Mother..."(I put the last part in myself). I like that...I like tht I am no longer a maze looking to be discovered...I know who I am...I am the broad who does not know how to fold a fitted sheet or who wishes there was a sarcasm font on her computer...and I accept that about myself, Mr. Wally Lamb, and rejoice in my desire to eat cookies and take naps and go to the dry cleaners for almost everything! In my mind the perfect bra is a sweatshirt and I don't care who watches me jiggle...well in the house, anyway...


So I began with a great writer's quote about why females write...and I guess if you look hard enough you can see me in there...I am trying to understand who I am and how I make decisions but as far as fixing myself I said as I smiled...I really don't think I am broken!...Thanks for reading...

Love the moment.
Flowers grow
out of dark moments.
Therefore,
each moment
is vital.
It affects the whole.
Life is a succession
of such moments
and to live each,
is to succeed.

—Sister Mary Corita Kent
(1918-1986); artist, educator

Can Spring Be Far Away...

so, i am looking outside thinking it is a grey, cranky day...January can be like that...this is just the day to dream about spring and summer and all the benefits that come with them...FLOWERS! God, I love flowers...I love their shapes, their colors, and their smells...I love when they make me smile and sometimes when they make me cry...

They give my mind a chance to think about those first days of spring when the trees are barely green and the breeze is barely warm...the anticipation of new beginnings...baby chicks and daffodils...and babies crawling in the grass...corny but visual(!)
Then comes summer and suddenly the WORLD is alive with colors and shapes and smells...the flowers are here...free for us to enjoy and make our hearts smile...I love to take photos of the flowers in my garden...I hope you enjoy this cheesy little essay about why I miss Spring, summer and flowers and cannot wait for them to return...and most importantly, I hope you enjoy my flowers!

For women only...

So, I had my hair done this week and I asked my hairdresser if I was ready for that fabulous grey hair that I see on gorgeous models on TV and in magazines that are around my age...He said no. I was interested to learn that I still had lots of darks..."salt and pepper" he said...not enough greys to look anything but old...ouch!

Did he mean that if I let my hair go natural I wouldn't look as sophisticated as George Clooney,Harrison Ford, or my husband? What the hell...women lose again...salt and pepper just does not work for us!

I remember when I got pregnant at 41 years old and thought ALOT about how I was way too old to be having a baby. One day, for whatever reason, I looked at my vijayjay and saw that it was "salt and pepper"...Jesus, how embarrassing...it wasn't bad enough that I would be 42 when I delivered this child...i was going into the delivery room with a grey vijayjay. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable I was with that...and I was determined to dye it...just for the delivery.

So i asked a couple of girlfriends if they would dye my greys and first they said yes but when I explained my predicament they immediately and vehemently denied my request...imagine that...first, they said they thought is was a really bad, unhealthy idea and second, they wanted no parts of that particular part of mine!
So I approached my ob/gyn nurse...told her I would pay her extra...she put the kaboosh on it by saying it was INDEED unhealthy for the baby so I had to stop wishing for it. I immediately requested a Cesarean birth so the entire delivery room would not see my salt and pepper...but of course, she squashed that too!

As it happens I had an emergency section...a story for another day...and did not think about it again until I had my first shower helped by my KT who upon seeing me naked almost fainted...not a good look for a 17 year old girl hoping to have a family some day!

Back to the grey hair on my head...I have gone from that stuff that just colors the grey....to Clariol #45 sunset brown to having my very own card and mix at my hairdresser's...that is where i am. My hair color looks fabulous, I must say, at least the hair on my head...and my husband does not think I should be grey...my Mother always told me to NEVER let my hair turn grey...and it really doesn't matter that much as far as my looks go...even with dyed hair no one ever mistakes me for KT, Michaeljohn or Jake's sister...never happens...so what the hell...

The good news in this little story of mine...no photo of you know what!!