Call Phone Conundrum

I can't hear on my cell phone...on any cell phone, actually. the voice is either too loud and scratchy or too low...either way, for me, the sound is never as clear as it is on a land line...my kids think i am crazy...they don't even have land lines...but i know, in work, on a land line phone, i can hear people so much clearer than i can on my cell...

this frustrates the hell out of my children, especially kt and jake...kt always assumes i am not listening...that i am either watching tv or on the computer...jake just loses patience with me as i keep sayin...what? who? where?...honestly...I CAN'T HEAR YOU...

so here is my conundrum...do i just keep saying uh hunh or sure or laugh if it seems appropriate as if i am speaking to someone who is talking to me in Chinese...or do I keep asking for something to be repeated which annoys the hell out of them...a conundrum to be sure...let's reflect...let me know what you think!...talk to you tomorrow...on my land line...

Day #1...10/03/09

I am going to try to write in this everyday...i don't know what about but I know i am interested in the process of writing...how to make it interesting...how to write so people will want to read it...how to make it uncommon...
i guess the first thing i need is a topic...i look over people's blogs and see lots of i am having a baby or we had a baby or hello to our families far away blogs...there are menopause blogs and fantasy football blogs...teacher, mommy, and girlfriend blogs...student blogs and artist blogs...food columnist blogs and celebrity blogs...all perhaps trying to recreate the success of the Julia/Julie success...
For me...i am going to write about what i know... just what I know...my experiences...my view of the world...and who would want to read this...who is interested in my perspective...and do i care...is it just for me? my kids? my family? my friends? or am i hoping for more...i guess i will have to wait and let this evolve...
saturday night in october...crisp, clear...we had my aunt's memorial mass today ...i loved seeing my family all together...my cousins, my uncles and aunts...i am embarassed that these people that share my blood have lived the ridiculous cliche...funerals and weddings...i had a hard time leaving the luncheon...i don't know when i will see them again...but i do know that if i ever need them...BAM...here they are.

My Eulogy for My Aunt Rosemarie

I was actually raised with my aunt Rosemarie and my Aunt Catherine…at times I think that they were my very first girlfriends…but there was a big difference between my aunts…Aunt Catherine was a rule follower…always where she said she was supposed to be…always home on time…always helping Grandmom around the house and in the kitchen…Aunt Rosemarie…well…maybe not so much…she is the one that introduced me to The Bristol Stomp, Make-up, how to tease my hair…out to HERE…and boys…oh she liked boys…and they liked her too…how could they resist…she was all smiles and laughter…and fun…it was always fun to be around my aunt Rosemarie.

As a matter of fact the first time I ever remember her getting really serious about anything was when she told me about meeting someone named Augie Lari…first we all tried so hard to get his name straight…was it Augie? Was it Lari with 2 r’s and a y or An R and i…that took us a while… she told me he was slim, handsome with great cheekbones and slick black hair…and I was going to be a bridesmaid…my senior year in high school and I was in love with love…my father gave her away and my Grandmother wore blue and it was a beautiful, beautiful crisp November day…we wore green and gold brocade and the dress was so beautiful that I wore it to my senior prom…we drove around South Philadelphia first taking photos at the lakes and then visiting houses where the men had a shot of whiskey and the women giggled and had our pictures taken…that night I saw my aunt Rosemarie and my Uncle Lari dance and laugh and I saw the way he looked at her…and I knew God was in His heaven and all was right in my Aunt Ro’s world!

Aunt Rosemarie always wanted to be a wife and Mother…I believe the most noble profession a woman can achieve…and she was such a good one…With each child her heart grew bigger and her capacity to love expanded with it…First handsome Mark…who once won a trip to Paris on Bastille Day and tried to give it to his parents to let them know how important they are to him …sweet patty who grew up to be her mother’s best friend and confidant…and Brian the baby and the student…and now an assistant principal …beloved by every student and colleague that he comes into contact with…so much for my aunt to be proud of…

My aunt rosemarie was the nicest person I have ever met...no matter how long it had been or how late it was she opened the door and her heart with open arms and welcomed all of us. That kind of unconditional love is so rare in this world and it was always there for us in her house…always! She had a generosity of spirit that, in this world of personal agendas, is rarely seen. I never once heard her put herself first...it was always, My Mark, My MaryAnne, My Brian, My Patty, My sister Catherine, My Lari, my brother Dominic, my Grandchildren, my nieces, my nephews, my sister in law Joan, my friends...everyone but herself…always…

When Aunt Rosemarie got sick Brian called me on the sly because of course she didn’t want me to know…I didn’t know what to do …I called my brothers and I called Brian often until I finally just sent her flowers and called and went to see her…every single time I went for a visit she was as positive and as happy as always…Brian tells me she was like that with everyone…she never let anyone see the sadness or the pain she was feeling…that would not be her way…

My Aunt Rosemarie was blessed in many ways…I have spoken about Uncle Lari and her children…my Uncle Dominic has certainly been a blessing to all of us…I know he visited my Aunt every Sunday morning and always brought some sunshine and laughter to the breakfast table…one of her most special blessings was and is my Aunt Catherine…she and my Aunt Ro were the most wonderful tag team…if one of them didn’t get us for something…the other one did!! and I know all of us are so very grateful that she had her to care for her and keep her safe until the end.

My aunt would have loved the gospel…I leave you with what she used to tell us…because no one I will ever know lived the Beautitudes the way my Aunt Ro did…

Rosemarie is finally getting to know her father...and spending some time with her mother and her brother, my father...in heaven...I hope they are not talking Italian...because my aunt forgot it all!

Random Thoughts

Teddy Kennedy died and i am watching his funeral...i bet aunt mag is watching...what an amazing family these kennedys are...all these beautiful kids with problems just like all of us...alcoholism, drugs, divorce...but held to such a higher standard by all irish american catholics...sort of like Notre Dame University...why do all irish catholics love that school and consider it the ultimate achievement for their progeny...well, none of the kennedy kids went there...and neither did any of mine...and they are all living on to enjoy productive lives never caring if that football team wins or not...perhaps even rooting against them!

A hot sunday before school begins...my mind is overloaded with things to do, things to remember, things to finish, things to begin...one of the busiest weeks of the year for me...

They Fucking Forgot My Birthday

My two oldest children were born in the 70's but grew up in the 80's...I STILL remember when we bought our first VCR and our first rental movie...Trading Places.From then on it was all John Hughes all the time...I think KT and I watched 16 Candles at least 100 times and OMG did we love Some Kind of Wonderful! So, as a tribute to my children and to the genius of John Hughes...to thank him for helping one Mom understand the teenage condition a little more clearly...here are some quotes from his movies to brighten your mood...

'The Breakfast Club' Quotes

"Two hits. Me hittin' you, you hittin' the floor."

"Screws fall out all the time. The world's an imperfect place."

"Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?"

"No Dad, what about you? F**k you!"

"So it's sorta social. Demented and sad, but social."

"I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights."

"Do I stutter?"

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"

"Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy."

"Face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?"

"Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong, but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain ... and an athlete ... and a basket case ... a princess ... and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."

'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' Quotes
"You killed the car."

"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond."

"Drugs?" "Thank you, no, I'm straight." "I meant, are you in here for drugs?" "Why are you here?" "Drugs."

"That's right, I'm Abe Froman." "... the Sausage King of Chicago?"

"Excuse me: if whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a scorching case of herpes."

"Save Ferris"

"Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Bueller?"

"You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings."

"Not that I condone fascism, or any 'ism' for that matter. Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off of people. "

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

"He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, okay I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'll go. S**t."

Grace: "Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
Ed Rooney: "That is why I need to show these kids that the example he sets is a first-class ticket to nowhere!"
Grace: "Oh, Ed - you sounded like Dirty Harry just then."
Ed Rooney: "Really? Thanks, Grace."


'Sixteen Candles' Quotes
"I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up."

"They fucking forgot my birthday."

"I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek."

"What's happenin', hot stuff?"

"I've never bagged a babe."

"By night's end, I predict me and her will interface."

'Some Kind of Wonderful' Quotes
"Break his heart, I'll break your face."

"I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons then alone for the right."

"You should consider whether or not you feel you can deliver the kiss that kills."

"You look good wearing my future."

'National Lampoon's Vacation' Quotes
"The Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it."

"Oh God! ... The dog wet on the picnic basket."

'Pretty in Pink' Quotes
"His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!"

"I know I'm old enough to be his mother, but when the Duck laid that kiss on me last night, I swear my thighs just went up in flames. He must practice on melons or something."

"God, Andie, I'd've died for you!"

"Love's a bitch, Duck. Love's a bitch. "

"Well, that's very nice. I'm glad. Well here's... here's the point, Andie. I'm not particularly concerned with whether or not you like me, because I live to like you and... and I can't like you anymore. So... so when you're feeling real low and... and dirty, and your heart is splattered all over hell, don't look to me to pump you back up 'cause... 'cause... 'cause maybe for the first time in your life I won't be there!"

"You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you. Well I believed in you. I just didn't believe in myself. I love you. Always."

'Uncle Buck' Quotes
Miles: "You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad."
Buck: "How nice of you to notice."
Miles: "I'm a kid - that's my job."

'Weird Science' Quotes
Wyatt: "Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?"'
Gary: "Ceremonial."

'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles' Quotes
Neal: "Del, why did you kiss my ear?"
Del: "Why are you holding my hand?"
Neal: "Where's your other hand?"
Del: "Between two pillows."
Neal: "Those aren't pillows!"

Ah the pressure...i have always done what my kids wanted or needed me to do...evidently my girl wants and needs me to do this...and since it was my idea in the first place here i am...doing it!!
Actually i am sitting in my new favorite place to be in the world...at kt's table in florida looking at her, tommy and the magnificent view of placida harbor...this is a magical spot for a person like me to get away from it all...quiet and peaceful with only the computer and cell phone to let the outside world in...and I get to control them...a perfect place for reflection, evaluation and moving forward.
But honestly, i do not enjoy reflection...in my work i always tell my teachers to reflect on their lesson i observed and they get to let me know how things could have been better...and i rate them higher...
But reflecting on my life only makes those sucko moments more sucko...i do not want to remember the casual words that i threw out to teachers, colleagues, friends, children, and husbands that were biting on the pretense of humor, I would like to forget my husband's surgery and the disagreements that resulted, and never do i want to review our last Christmas Eve familial discomfort...another story for another time...
However...reflecting on reflecting...
I have seen my daughter get her act together and do what is necessary for both of them to move on to the next phase...she has a wonderful job, a positive attitude and a garden that grows with her welcoming spirit...Tommy has gained a measure of independence that has allowed him the ability to "do his own thing" while she does hers. Jake has completed a year of college with honors...who knew...Michaeljohn and Jen have settled into a loving marriage that appears to be quite understandable to them...and Billy and I , along with the husband and wife "thingy", have developed a deep friendship with some clear understandings about NCIS and pizza...
My friendship with my brother grows stronger everyday...we still have the most wonderful ability to make each other laugh and cry at the same time. I am enjoying my niece's engagement and helping my sister in law work her way through the stuff that getting a daughter married entails...
As for me...i STILL love my job and the people i work with...i LOVE LOVE LOVE every child that comes across my day...the interactions and the laughter that come with running an elementary school...i STILL hate the paper work and cooking and getting up early and flu shots and medicine...but really...God is good to Suzin and Suzin knows it!

you get a year.....

i have decided i am 'one' with the blog again...i know we have taken a short break or maybe even quit it all together but i have decided to make the effort...again...1. because i enjoy writing 2. because i love my mother and we decided to do this and i want to show her that i am not an anti-commit-tite....at least not completely... and 3. because when she doesn't write i can whip out my guilt gun...(kidding mom...no pressure...besides, only YOU can make YOU feel guilty...wiser bullshit has never been uttered...:)


since it has been a few months i thought that i would catch whoever the hell is reading this up on my life...tom and i have been back from florida since may 8th...and while it was a wonderful respite from all the bullshit that had happened the previous 8 months it was time to come up north to the land of the living...for those of you who are not familiar with our 'hood' in florida suffice it to say that the highest percentage of adults aged 65 and older in the U.S. live in our county...and while there is NO nightlife (not that we have one any more anyway:) there is a fantastic 'daylife'... we live on the gulf of mexico and a 300 acre estuary that is teeming with vegetation, birds and water animals that constantly show their splashes, fins and wings in case you forget the natural beauty one is bathing in...as i became one with nature by paddling on my board and discovering local waterways and finally setting my eyes on a black crowned night heron, tom continued to heal and grow stronger...we got into a nice rhythm of exercising and beaching and rebuilding both each other and more importantly ourselves...well, at least i can speak for myself when i say that i slowly started to reassemble myself again...i was finally sick and tired of being defined, excused and compared to a victim who had dealt with a serious bump in the trajectory of her life...i can remember the exact moment i was DONE...my mother and i were in the car, she was down for a visit, and i was bitching, AGAIN, about how much my life had changed and how helpless i still felt and she basically told me it was time to 'find a place' for it and get over it...i looked at her and told her that she always said,' you get a year to mourn a 'biggie' and then you must move on...' she nodded in agreement and i thought to myself, well then i have 2 more months that i am allowed to bitch, complain and continue to feel sorry for myself...UUGGHHH.....thankfully, my next thought as i gripped onto the f-150 wheel in the parking lot outside bell's was YUCK, fuckshitdamn, did i just actually think that!!!????? like i needed 2 more months to bitch...oh christ...oh it was a moment...one i will never forget....and one that i have my mother to thank for...as well as all the ladies who stuck by me through many other moments during the mess that was my life this past year....you know who you are and you know how much you mean to me....words will never really cut it but i believe that if an autopsy was performed on me after my death the coroner would find my heart filled with all of you....the pheonix has risen from the ashes with all her girls dancing around the fire...thank you all for letting me bitch and moan, cry, scream and sometimes punch and most importantly, helping me remember i could always fly...

http://dlisted.com/

http://dlisted.com/

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tick tock

tick tock goes the clock of time
as painful as watching a mime

who is at the top of the bell tower
who decides the ringing hour

the hands on the face
constantly changing our space

what is the lesson of patience
how long one can stay in silence

before letting the rage roar
and one's foot stamping the floor

why must we learn this way
we are just wondering the day

waiting and waiting and wondering when
we can start waiting all over again

yoyo ma...

i just had a perfect day with my mother...
shopping, lunch, craig's list men seeking women...
mom and kid love is such a crazy love...
so instinctual...
so simple and convoluted all at the same time...
i love no other the way i love my mother...
as a mother,a sister, a friend, a mentor, a role model and most importantly...
as an inspiration...
she constantly inspires me to feel or do something...
with everything...
her fingerprints are smugded on every page of my book...
we've had a rough go of it lately...
not with each other...
although there has been some moments...
she has saved my life so many times these past 7 months...
and maybe there's something to the fact that we both pressed our luck...
and landed on a whammy at the same time...
who the hell knows...
i think we both stopped trying to figure out why...
it just is
and we just are...
it's hard for me to see her hurting..
digging down and dragging it all up...
dealing with her shit...
and she's just at the beginning...
but already she feels lighter to me...
truer to herself...
i am and always have been proud of the "one" i get to call mom...
i've always wanted to thank whoever arranged that...
the only bummer is that i have to share her with my 2 brothers...
but that's ok...
because i'm her favorite...
susan margret screnci hauer mingey yoyo ma tootsie...
oh my yoyo ma...
one of a kind and all mine...